The Prompt – Time

The Prompt for this week is a topic and it is:

I wish I had more time…

mumturnedmom

 

This is going to be a hard post to write because when I first read this weeks Prompt my mind jumped straight to my beloved Mother-in-Law and the last time I spoke to her.

 

 

She had been in the hospice for a while, the operations, chemo and radiotherapy had ceased and the cancer was ravaging her body.

Her hair, once black, glossy and wavy with red undertones that would gleam in the sun was now short, spiky and patchy.
Her skin, which used to be a flawless almost olive in shade now hung translucent from her shrinking frame.

 

We knew the end was near but were all in denial as we tried to protect ourselves from the inevitable pain and then eventually the day came when we were told it was time to say goodbye.

 

She saw us all in groups; her children, her grandchildren, her siblings.
So I stood at the bottom of her bed with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law.

“I thought I had more time”, she said
“I thought I had time to take the grandchildren to the seaside, to sit outside a beach hut and watch them play,
I didn’t think it would end like this”.

 

She didn’t say it in a self pitying way, it was simply a statement.

 

It wasn’t meant to be this way.

 

She was so brave and so calm while I was a wreck.

I could’ve, should’ve been stronger for her

I managed to tell her, between sobs, that I loved her and how grateful I was for everything she did for us.
I am glad I had a chance to tell her.

 

But she should have had more time.

 

L1000672

 

 

11 thoughts on “The Prompt – Time

  1. This really brought tears to my eyes Lou. It must have been dreadful to watch someone you love in that situation. I guess having more time really takes on the most significance towards the end of life. Even as I was writing mine I was thinking – ah well there’s always retirement… #theprompt

  2. Oh Lou, I remember you writing about your Mother-in-law before, she sounds like a wonderful woman. This post made me cry, so beautifully written and so sad; my father died when we was just 42 and I completely understand that feeling of being cheated, that someone (and us) should have had more time x Thank you so much for linking to #ThePrompt x

  3. Tears stream down my face as I read this, I was at the hospice for my Grandads last few days, i was so glad i got to be there but, he shouldnt have been, they (the doctors at the awful hospital where, 2/3 years later he was finally diagnosed) should have caught it sooner, but instead they dawddled along blaming his age, the fact he had worked so long and so hard, blamed athritis…then when the lump on his shoulder was starting to show to us looking at him they finally decided their was something their, so weeks later (why do these things take so long) took xrays and scans…and lost the results so he had to booked again, another 8/12 week wait showed abnormalitys so more tests and more and more…Im not sure when it was actually diagnosed with cancer as the family tried to hide it from me, I was pregnant at the time and he was and still is adored by me and my eldest daughter, he didnt want to stress me, Typical Grandad! by the time I gave birth I kind of knew it was cancer as he was in a hospice, we took Jenson to see him and he held him for a while whilst i ran to the visitors bathroom and sobbed my heart out! 4 days later he passed away, I was there as he took his last breath. Sorry for the ridiculously long comment, I dont talk about it very often, mostly as I come across posts as I blog, my main point is Im with you with the pain, no one can take that away, my pain will never go, its coming up to 3 years since he died, and it still hurts as it did then.

    Much Love Becky XxX

  4. Oh! I’m so sorry for your loss.

    How sad and awful for your MIL. My MIL also died of cancer, just before my husband and I started dating. Such a horrible loss – she would have loved her time with her grandchildren too. A huge reminder to us all to use what little time we think we have wisely. xx

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